august is coming to a close.

truth and triumph is the best shop in ohio. hands down. sure, it's in dayton but it's worth the drive. i've never been disappointed when i go there, even if it's just to hang out. a super sweet guy named randy gaines is opening up a piercing shop downstairs. one of the most passionate people i've ever met. you don't just meet someone like him everyday :)

totally into getting some sleep now. ready to be heading out to dayton a lot more now since i found out my girlfriend kelly murphy still lives there.

if you say this makes you happy then i'm not the only one lying.

settled some stuff that needed to be settled. proud of myself, because taking the first step to ending something and risking a friendship isn't an easy thing to do. happy, making cupcakes once again.

house warming gifts are hard. i want them to think of me every morning they wake up. i'm making art again :) picture up before i give it a new home.

i like days that are filled like this:

waking up before my best friend so i can make breakfast.
wearing an pink apron with ruffles.
walking her dog (stalker) while she showers
going home
and spending some good quality time with myself.
finishing "the biology of sex" and starting on "snuff".
picking up flowers from the store while my mom is gone.
and calling up old friends.




we don't know how god damn lucky we are.

girls night after work :)

had so much fun with the girls after work :) we always know what to say to make each other laugh. i needed a night like this.

got the new

soul control album in the mail today :) i'm glad they like to send pre-orders early.

new picture up, just on my blog only. it was taken as a joke because i like having my hair pulled but i didn't know i could capture that face in a picture. for some reason it's one of my favorites.

because i like to make lists.

ten things to stop waiting for in life.

one. his first move.
two. your mother's approval. she'll be happy for you (eventually).
three. smaller or larger breasts.
four. a sign to tell you what to do next.
five. a man to complete you.
six. your ex to say he's really sorry.
seven. your best friends to actually take your advice. it's in their hands.
eight. the economy to tread upwards.
nine. a secret trust fund or inheritance.
ten. an understanding of the afterlife.

i never say anything i don't mean.

it's rude to ditch a girlfriend over a guy that doesn't giving a fucking shit about you. just plain, fucking rude.

god damn.

can't even fucking rant in a fucking blog post because i'm so frustrated.

four eyes.

i truly covet a pair of horn rimmed glasses with a thick black plastic browline and silver metal bridge. sigh.


these are so sexy. i don't care what anyone else says or thinks. they are.

no more illusions.

i can not see this light everyone else sees. i can only see a black dark nothing. i've tried to find god. i've tried to search for something that can't fail me. something concrete. but how much can you trust in anything in this world.

day to day, i wonder if any of this matters. it doesn't. this blog doesn't matter. only to me because it's self realization that only i see and only something i can feel. god, i sound like matt but he's really helped me see things in a sensible way. i really can't put into words what he means to me. will i be remembered for more than a few once in a whiles?

the world i knew as i child doesn't exist anymore. hell, the world i knew a week ago doesn't exist anymore.

"hate humanity? yep, sure do. there's such a lack of responsibility for one's actions in the world, selfishness, and a great destruction in thw way people live their lives. it's all instant gratification, and who cares how my instant gratification affects those around me, or on a small personal level or a global level. the way people treat each other is truly disgusting, and we've created an environment through advances in science and technology that allows for a very septic society to thrive. and we breed and breed, and all the wrong people breed while all the right people don't want to have children because they don't want to place them in this world"- davey havok.


i have barely skimmed the surface of deeper thought. i'm going to watch a movie. maybe post in the next couple of days.


i dream of losing contact
only because it's expected natural.

i am so happy

that i have the friends i do. just when i think no one even considers me anything, i have a good friend tell me that i'm awesome and his opinion means a lot to me. i know i'm not a shitty girl. it just feels good to hear it :) even if it's coming from a friend. the cherry on top, a friend that will just get closer to me.

you know you're happy when your day is made by someone e-mailing a picture of a baby pig. seriously?

no rain. god doesn't hate us today.

off to bake more cupcakes because i got "VEGAN CUPCAKES TAKE OVER THE WORLD" the other day at borders. i made the golden vanilla ones first. because that's basic, right? basically heaven.

so now i'm off to try making "crimson velveteen" cupcakes with "old fashioned velvet frosting". fancy names for fancy cupcakes.

among getting this, i got two other cook books, both by Isa Chandra Moskowitz (Vegan with a Vengeance and Vegan Brunch) and i got When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris that i'm starting today.

off to get my hands dirty. that's it. just my hands.

<3

i don't know what else a girl in my position is to do.

sometimes i'd just like someone to be there for me. at the end of the day when i've gotten out of my clothes and let my hair down and just relax. i don't always have great days. and i don't always have someone to talk to. sure, i have girlfriends. but doesn't every girl deep down inside want a boyfriend? yes, i've learned a lot from being single. and yeah, without that time i wouldn't be the girl i am today. i stand my ground, i have my act together, and i know exactly what i want, first, out of life, and second, out of a guy. i'm venting and i shouldn't even click publish post but i'm going to. i have so much love and no one to take it.