what are you doing.

the other day i was having a discussion about why every girl in the scene hooks up with every guy in the scene.
why not post a blog on it.

i'm talking about two different types of girls here.
the girl who digs the guy (look like she doesn't know how she got there).
and the girl who appears to dig the music (looks like she would be in the scene).

what gets me is the girl who is at the show that appears to be digging the music, but can point out a handful of guys she's been with. "been with" as in, "talked" to, made out with, gone down on, and slept with. sometimes this girls at shows often, sometimes she's not. she more than likely gives in to last minute requests.

the girl who digs the guy is more obvious. she doesn't fit in at the show, talks to little or no people, and is constantly texting on her phone (or sometimes talking with the girlfriend she forced to come with her). she appears at shows once or twice, or never again.

don't go to shows unless you dig the music. it takes the heart away from it and the feeling you get inside that no one else can put their finger on. these people aren't just there for a place to hang out and socialize. fuck him on your own time and keep the scene slut free. no guy wants to know that his girlfriend has been with all of his friends. you know why? because she's not a challenge. she'll fuck anything, and THAT'S NOT ATTRACTIVE.

always put your dignity above a quick fuck or a relationship. be better than that.

looks alone won't sustain his respect.

then again, this is just me speaking my mind.

i am not my mothers daughter or my fathers daughter.

im so distant from my parents.
it's hard to imagine what goes on in their minds.

we have a large family. and every time i try to get in the conversation (granted, it is a topic that i finally care about that they are finally discussing) and i get cut off by someone louder. this leaves me to just sit there, and smile, and look pretty. never do they want to talk about veganism, foreign films, music, or social issues. it's always who's making how much where and gossiping about their son coming home trashed the other night or how their daughter might be pregnant ("but we're a hundred percent positive she's not"). for the record, she was. my family does not trust each other. my family does not demonstrate what i think lo
ve is. my family does not see me for who i am. and the sad thing is they never will.

will they ever see how much i went through growing up,
will they ever realize how much that had an effect on everything i am today.
well i love myself.